Summer of '76
Flipping through a Hammacher catalogue from 50 years ago
Half a century ago this season… America was powdering its wig for a Bicentennial bash. President Gerald Ford was fighting to win his party’s nomination for the first time in his own right, while on the other side, a dark horse Southern governor named Jimmy Carter was disarming his favored foes with a folksy, toothy grin. A petite Romanian teenager named Nadia was training for her debut in the Montreal Olympics, little suspecting she’d soon become a global icon. And down in the Bowery, a raucously arty clique of misfit musicians was buzzsawing rock ‘n’ roll into a new wave from a grubby little club called CBGB.
A few miles north along 3rd Avenue, Hammacher Schlemmer HQ was shaking off the winter doldrums with a sunsplashed new catalogue. The Spring/Summer 1976 edition has been uploaded in its entirety to archive.org, which means you can follow along at home as we page through.
Since we’re casually flipping, we’ll start with the back cover. A backyard Gas Barbecue Grill (page 64) was still a novel concept in 1976. This model used “permanent lava rock coals to assure tastier meats without sacrificing flavor or tenderness.” Of course, it wouldn’t be Hammacher if it wasn’t a bit extra. It includes “the rear-mounted Vertigrate for the tastiest rotisserie cooking yet devised,” and the deluxe option checks in at nearly six feet long. We can’t help but wonder about the shipping headaches, but then we’re the online store that offers a Solo Sauna, so who are we to talk?
Our affinity for unorthodox means of transport shows itself in the Water Walkers (p. 19). We confess some doubt as to whether this “buoyant molded polystyrene” footwear actually worked; it has a whiff of Wile E. Coyote physics about it, and the catalogue photo feels like it was hastily snapped just before the model plunged into the drink. More trustworthy if equally indulgent of one’s inner child is the Adult Electric Trike (p. 25). On a single charge, its 12V battery could travel up to 25 miles, which is approximately 24.99 miles farther than you could probably stay upright on the Water Walkers.
“AT LAST! A BREAK THROUGH!” shouts the copy on page 46, heralding the Record-A-Call, “the first automatic answering machine… you may plug into your existing telephone jack.” The length of messages is limited only by the one-hour cassette, and a remote control with voice activation “allows you retrieve your messages from anywhere in the world.” The days of being blissfully unreachable were numbered. What price convenience, o modern man?
Other future household mainstays in the summer of ‘76 catalogue include the Radarange Microwave Oven (“big enough for a 22 lb. turkey”) and the Invento Tap Water Filter (“won’t interfere with the faucet”), both on page 39. Only time will tell which of the innovations currently on offer in our Kitchen & Dining section will someday join the ranks of the indispensables.
For the man who has everything he could ask for, how about some innovations nobody asked for? The Moustache Spoon (p. 32) dates back to Victorian times, here offered in a 22K gold-plated version that “may be carried by fastidious owner to haute cuisine the world over.” The same fussy gent may also flex his testosterone in the Big Daddy Bath Sheet (p. 61), a 3-foot-by-6-foot behemoth of the bathroom embroidered with the eponymous euphonym. Why not? Men contain multitudes.
Fear not, ladies, you haven’t been forgotten… although the emphasis on policing your bodily defects may make you wish you had been. Useful as such page 54 gadgets as the Perma Tweez (“the only no-skin puncture permanent hair remover”) and the De Luxe Callus Eraser (“smooths away roughness without affecting normal skin”) may be, they aren’t much fun, are they?
Because fun is, after all, what summer is about, and the spirit of fun pervades this catalogue’s 64 pages. The “envy of every golfer on the greens,” the Schmeckenbecker Golf Putter (p. 24) has a suspiciously made-up-sounding name and looks like something Rodney Dangerfield would wield in Caddyshack. “It sports a compass, timer, tape line, level, candle and horn,” capturing that sense of the ridiculous that makes the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue worth a perusal even when its products have been unavailable for decades. The ceramic Bulldog Champion on the front cover would doubtless agree. Or at least wouldn’t perceptibly disagree, because he’s ceramic.
Found anything equally noteworthy in the pages of this 50-year-old catalogue? Please, share it in the comments. No find is too pointless!
The magnetic playing cards on page 24...I would order those today. Also, the "Pipe Line" furniture on page 2 was EVERYwhere in my youth -- but, by then, I'm guessing knockoffs abounded. On a bright day, the white PVC could give you retinal burn/afterimages that lasted for years.
This an awesome flashback! I was 1/2way through University of WI. Starting to think about my “big girl” future and what I would buy! Since 1980, my summers have been by our backyard pool with a frighten similar grill & rotisserie. I missed out on the walk on water floats! Hammacher has been in my life all these years! 😎